Valco makes good audio products
Valco's story...
...is only just getting started. We started out in 2018, fumbling around in the dark, until we met audio guru Jasse "Jazmanaut" Kesti. We joined forces with him in early 2019 and set out to design a completely original headphone model of our own, Valco’s noise cancelling headphones.
Over these past few years, we’ve built up our own product development chops and found top-tier partners for design and engineering nerd stuff. The latest result of all that work is the rather brilliant VMK25 headphones.
A lot has gone to shit over these past few years, and we haven’t exactly avoided problems. During the corona years, we got a big batch of headphones with faulty memory chips, which landed us in serious trouble. Every now and then we’ve had delivery issues with the products, and thanks to various full-body c*nts we’ve had to waste time dealing with lawyers and other vultures.
Now things are actually going pretty well.
Valco is the world's nicest evil corporation
Our goal is to sell so many headphones and other audio products that we can build our own Death Star (not affiliated with The Walt Disney Company). On top of that, it matters to us that everyone who helped fund the Death Star actually wants to come there with us.
Not because we’d blow up Earth, but because we’re just that nice. Our basic principle is to treat all customers and partners like our own friends, which means well, by default. Our job is to make people feel good about handing us their hard-earned money.
We aim to be a leading manufacturer of innovative, durable, Finland-designed (and largely Finland-made too) audio products that give customers the best value for money.
We promise we won’t sell crap.
According to our plan, some of our customers’ money will go to beer, child support payments, big gold watches, fast cars (or unnecessarily big cars), and other essentials before the actual Death Star can be built.
Our goal is to keep improving our products and processes while minimizing our environmental impact, all while giving our customers the best possible sound experience.
In the end, none of it matters, because sooner or later we will build the Death Star (which is still not affiliated with The Walt Disney Company) and enslave all of humanity (except our customers, partners, and retailers).
Who the hell is Raimo?
You may have run into a strange character in, for example, Valco’s ads.
Raimo Valconen is the personification of Valco. He is our more or less fictional CEO who dreams of having his own Death Star and a Mercedes with a W123 body.
He’s a bit like Ronald McDonald, but less scary.
Below is Raimo’s first appearance from 2021. You’ll find more on YouTube.
Valco is a completely Finnish company
Who’s running this circus?
The people behind Valco
Unlike many other evil corporations, there are actual human beings behind Valco, whose entire lives basically depend on you buying headphones.
Valco’s absurdly talented owners are humble people who enjoy life’s simple pleasures, like sports cars, ridiculously huge gold watches, yachting in the Mediterranean, or booze-fueled trips on private jets.
That’s why they’re happy to stay in the background and let Raimo Valconen be the public face of Valco.
Henri
Super talented Henri is Valco’s other founder.
He’s responsible for everything that shows outward. Including this website and this text, but also the marketing, the products, the manuals, and all the other content too.
Henri is pleasantly lazy and would enjoy traveling, good food, and sunshine, but can’t because the rest of us whip him back to work. He hates winter and remote hermit cabins.
Jani
Jani is Valco’s other founder. He has a doctorate in administrative sciences and specializes in innovation and organizations.
He’s insanely smart, but also a super lazy, antisocial hermit who mostly enjoys hiding out at his cabin and hates all people. At Valco, Jani mostly drinks cognac and quotes famous philosophers.
Jasse
Jasse “Jazmanaut” Kesti is the audio wizard behind Valco’s sound quality. He’s a studio and audio engineer, system designer, musician, sound designer and composer, just to name a few. Jasse is, honestly, a total genius.
For the past 25 years, he’s been mastering and mixing music for top artists, and also for some slightly shittier ones, so he knows very well what music is actually supposed to sound like from a musician’s point of view. With his expertise, we’ve been able to tune the headphones so they actually sound good.
Hannes
Hannes has built Valco a service operation that actually works and is insanely fast, which is why Valco headphones last a whole lot longer than the competitors'.
Maybe the best feedback is when a customer gets pissed off at us and says the headphones came back so fast that surely nothing was done to them, and in that time Valco service had already fixed them.
Jukka
Jukka came to Valco to lead sales work. The kind where you actually have to deal with people. This was excellent news for us, because Jani hates people and Henri is too lazy to make calls.
Poor Jukka ended up unemployed after selling his company. Since we have a habit of providing supported employment for unlucky bastards like this, we brought him into the circus. To be fair, Jukka is a seasoned entrepreneur who has been rolling around the business world for over 20 years.